Recently I split with a large group of online friends, mostly over Ryan's situation. The hard part of being in a group of online friends is that you can't just separate (even for a little while) from a few of them...it's either all or none. It's a group of about 60 women, and many of us had been around since we first found out we were pregnant, in Feb 2001. It wasn't a decision I made lightly even though I made it quickly, but a couple of days later I still feel it was the right move. But I feel like I've cut off a vital body part.

There were two main issues that were a problem for me. The biggest one is that several of the moms on the board have kids who are in a classroom with a child similar to Ryan, and that child is bothering the kids of my friend(s). They use our online group to vent in these types of situations and it's just gotten too painful for me to face that side of reality. I'm not sure that makes any sense, it makes sense in my mind but I can't easily put it into words. It's all I can do some days to deal with Ryan from his end of the situation, knowing that he's bothering some of the kids in his class and seemingly unable to be able to reign it in. But to be faced full on with the impact of how he's acting, when I'm already doing everything I know to do for him (and he *is* improving) and we're stuck in this painful school situation for right now...it's just to painful for me to be involved (even just reading) with their situations right now. And I want the group to remain a safe place for them to vent, without feeling like they can't lay it all out there to spare me. Also, I can't read about those situations without commenting about how hey, that kid sounds a lot like my son, he may not be doing it on purpose; it's likely they aren't really looking for that kind of response, they likely aren't wanting to put a real face on the other kid, they just want to vent and relieve some stress about their own child being impacted. I totally get that, and respect that.

And then there are the very well-meaning women who, bless their hearts, try to help me with ways to handle Ryan. Only, they aren't familiar enough with SPD and/or Asperger's to really know what is going on with these kids. I end up feeling like my ways of handling Ryan are being challenged, even though my decisions are made with great input from his child psychologist and occupational therapist. It's totally different when they are an SPD or Asperger's mom (Maureen!)...those suggestions are always helpful and fully welcomed. But when they *think* they know and make statements or ask questions to the tune of "don't you think your doing such-and-such is causing this problem?", it's very difficult to either not doubt myself (which I'm the queen of to begin with) or make sarcastic comments, even though I know in my heart they mean well. I don't need any of that right now, not in the place I'm currently at in my heart.

Removing myself from the situation just seemed like the best answer for us all. But it's painful in it's own way.